Another trip down memory lane. This time I was thinking about confidence.
I started taking ballet classes when I was 6 years old. My friend had started ballet when I was 5 and I begged my parents to let me do so too but they made me wait a year just to be sure I really wanted to do it.
Well, I really wanted to do it! And I felt pretty confident.
Ballet Exams
I was just looking at the certificates from my ballet exams – yes I do have them – and it looks like I spent 2 years in the first class which was Primary.
Under the comments, the examiner wrote (in a fountain pen) “Well prepared work” and she awarded me Highly Commended. To say I was chuffed is an understatement!
Grade I followed 16 months later. This time, the examiner awarded me Honours (which I think may be the highest, or perhaps that was Honours+). She said, “Careful exercises with good use of feet. A sincere worker.”
I think that described me well – I was absolutely sincere about ballet and becoming a ballerina!
I took the Grade II exam only 8 months later, another Honours. Grade III followed 8 months after that, Honours again.
Grade III was swiftly followed by Grade IV only 3 months later. This time the examiner said, “Tracey’s work was very pleasing throughout – just try now to strengthen your elevation“. I was not the best at jumping
While I was leading up to the Grade IV exam, I remember going for extra classes. The classes would run from Primary up to Grade IV in one afternoon/evening, so the teacher had me attend the Grade I-IV classes one after the other. I think the other children thought it strange to see someone from a higher class in the lower class, but it was very good for me in helping strengthen my technique – not to mention reaffirming my knowledge of the terms (which, in case you didn’t know, are in French!).
It was also good for my confidence.
The next class up after Grade IV was Pre-Elementary. This is where you eventually start to wear pointe shoes and do exercises en pointe. It was at this stage my confidence started to wane slightly. I moved to a new ballet school, The Bristol School of Dancing, and the other girls there all seemed to be older, more confident and technically better than me.
I spent 2 years in the Pre-Elementary class before taking the exam.
Performance
A few months prior to the exam, I took part in the City of Bristol Eisteddfod at the Victoria Rooms in Bristol. I didn’t at the time but an Eisteddfod is a festival involving several artistic competitions.
I entered two categories: Ballet 12 – 13 years and National 12 – 13 years (National being a type of character dance).
My teacher, Vicky K, had created a dance for me for both categories. And my mum had made a beautiful pink ballet dress with a long tulle skirt, which I absolutely adored. She also made the character costume for a dance that was called “The Fisherman’s Wife”.
I wish I had some photos but it was well before digital cameras!
The dance was based around a basket of fish – I don’t remember much but I do remember being incredibly nervous. It was on a stage and all the other competition entrants were watching me! I remember my teacher telling me to smile, but it was very difficult. I was awarded 75 marks, which is just above “no award”, and the examiner said:
“Atmosphere and style require further study. Stage used well, but general approach lacked confidence.” I knew she was right—but the way it was phrased felt cold and a little disheartening. It pointed out what was missing, but didn’t give me much to hold on to or build from.
I enjoyed the ballet solo more because ballet was my “thing” more so than character dancing. But again, I found it difficult to smile!
I received 75 marks for this as well and the examiner said:
“Quite pleasing fluidity, but technique lacked precision and placing throughout was insecure. Try to vary the expression Tracey.” Yep, that’s me being very sincere and not varying my expression.
Final Exam
A few months after the Eisteddfod, I took the Pre-Elementary Exam and I passed! I don’t have a record of any grading like the others, but I do still have my certificate
I spent a year in the Elementary class, which I found quite hard, and then my family moved across the country. I went to one class at the local ballet school but I felt the other girls were so much better than me and the confidence I had begun with at 6 years old had finally run out – if confidence can run out!
It’s funny because I remember being nervous when taking the exams, especially as there were only ever 4 girls taking the exam at the same time, but still had the confidence to hold my head high and “be” a ballerina.
Lessons Learned
I think as a child it can be easier to have confidence with no thoughts about why you shouldn’t. But as you grow older and the criticisms creep in – from oneself as well as others – that confidence takes a knock.
I think this is where affirmations are good. If you say to yourself, “I am confident”, “I am smart”, “I can do this”, and hold your head high no matter what you’re doing then it will take you a long way.
What do you think?
This is how I might have looked at the barre – except I had a black leotard!